She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
