You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
