I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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