Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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