My cat gives me a boner
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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