I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
