I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
