sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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