Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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