Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
