I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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