i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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