Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
