I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Come see our sink grown plant.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
