thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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