The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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