Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My ass is underappreciated
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
