i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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