I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
