we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
