Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
