Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
