Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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