Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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