my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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