To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
