They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
