She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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