This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
