who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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