Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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