Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
