The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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