Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
