can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
