Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
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We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
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I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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