My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
