I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
