everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
