I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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