His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The Olympian is in my bed
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
