The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
