If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
