the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
