What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
