im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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