Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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