That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
foreskin is a definite game changer
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
