flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
