When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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