woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i've created a new STD.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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