So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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