So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
