just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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