Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
