and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
