At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
