dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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