also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
