Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Randomize
