I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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