I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
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