Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
