No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
