dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
