my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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