I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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