Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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