Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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