I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize