; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Please, let me fuck your mom
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
