It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
