I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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