Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
