i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
