Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
