Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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